


Coming Down: Loose Ends

by JackNSallyGal



Series: Coming Down [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-29
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-04-28 20:03:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5103998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JackNSallyGal/pseuds/JackNSallyGal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The continuing story of the King and the Fool</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Fool

**Author's Note:**

> Originally, these chapters were posted with Coming Down, but I felt like I had a solid ending with Lily - so I'm making part 2 a separate fic. Sorry for any confusion!

Remus doesn’t wake up to anything as mundane as his alarm. Instead, he’s up two hours early, sitting on the edge of his bed, staring blearily at his phone. He rubs a hand over his face, wanting to laugh at the familiar twist of worry and anger in his gut.

lily: Have u seen Sirius

lily: peter says he didnt come home last night ??

Peter: no word yet

Marlene: did anyone try his cell?

James: i tried calling him

James: About a milion times

mary: we’ll find him

James: fuck

This scene is so ingrained, it isn’t until Remus is pulling on the first pair of pants he locates, and the body in his bed stirs, that it hits him. Connor lifts his head, and Remus can imagine him frowning in the almost complete darkness.

“Remus?”

“Go back to sleep. You’ve got time.”

All at once he’s forced to deal with the fact that this morning looks and feels like so many others, but with Connor dozing in his bed, and Sirius being MIA for the first time in a while, more has changed than stayed the same.

He shoves his wallet in his jeans, grabs his keys from the nightstand, and he’s out the door, punching a quick text to Lily. She responds immediately; that she’s with James, searching some of the old haunts. Peter checks in not long after with a defeated, I got nothing.

Stay tuned, Remus sends out, along with a small prayer that Sirius makes it easy for him, just this once.

* * *

 

Remus walks until his body begs him to cut the shit. He stops to buy a cup of coffee and sit outside, joints protesting as he lowers himself gingerly into the chair. While he drinks, appreciating the jolt of caffeine, Lily continues sending a steady stream of messages. She sends off updates every few minutes, and it’s like she’s next to him, staring into her own cup of coffee and thinking aloud.

He rests as the morning commute gets underway. People stream in and out, hurrying from their coffee run directly to the office. Traffic picks up, and the unrelenting slamming doors and honking is driving him further and further toward sensory overload. It wouldn’t be bad if he wasn’t also contending with dull pain that's growing sharper, radiating through him, as steady as each breath he takes.

Remus gives himself half an hour to sit outside the coffee shop. To concentrate on willing himself to have the energy to keep going. Keep looking for Sirius, to find him, and hopefully make it into work before he can be canned.

And it really is different this time because Remus doesn’t even commit to a full half hour. He’s there maybe fifteen minutes, and then he’s heading back to the apartment. Each step has him considering all that could have happened to Sirius over the course of one night; from relapsing and random hookups all the way to getting mugged and other forms of violence he doesn’t want to linger on.

But instead of staying out, instead of walking the city or catching a bus until he’s past exhausted and firmly into frantic and in pain territory, he sends a text to Lily, letting her know he’s bowing out early. He feels like an asshole for it, as Sirius’ friend. But as the guy who is still more than a little in love with him, he recognizes that he has to do this, for whatever scrap of sanity he has left that keeps him from diving headfirst back into the relationship that took so much out of him.

Remus is considering everything, from his guilt, to how he’ll make it through his day at work when he’s already used up his supply of energy for the day. And he’s so in his own head, trying to tackle each thought, one at a time as they come at him, that he nearly trips over Sirius, who looks just as startled to see Remus, even though he’s the one smoking on the steps leading up to their building.

“What-“

“-Give me, just, ten minutes,” Sirius rushes out. “Please.”

“What,” Remus actually shakes his head, trying to comprehend what Sirius is asking. “What are you talking about?”

Sirius takes a last drag before tossing the cigarette so he can crush it beneath his boot. Remus watches him closely, not even fully aware he’s doing it, looking Sirius over from head to toe, focusing on his eyes and movements for any sign that he’s still drunk or otherwise teetering on the edge of disaster.

Remus is relieved when he finds clear, if tired, eyes, and jerky movements that betray the nerves Sirius will never own up to, but nothing more. Sirius breaks eye contact, like he knows what Remus is doing and can’t stand to look at him once he passes the assessment.

“Give me ten minutes before you call them. Tell them I’m alright.”

“Why would you need-“

“Because I can’t deal with James descending on me right now, okay? I mean, fuck, I get it. I do. But I need a few more minutes before all that.”

Remus digests all of that, including the waves of anxiety Sirius is giving off, as he comes to lower himself so he’s sitting next to the other man. The wince Remus gives as his legs protest his movements doesn’t escape Sirius’ notice.

“I’m fine,” Remus says preemptively.

But Sirius’ mouth is already thinning into a hard line. If possible, he looks even more disgusted with himself, and begins fidgeting with his pack of cigarettes, unable to look Remus in the eye once more.

“This shit was supposed to stop once you and I…”

Remus clears his throat when Sirius trails off, unable or unwilling to say, when we broke up. “Why don’t you tell me what happened. You do that, and I can hold off calling them for a few more minutes.”

Sirius shoots him a grateful look before going back to fixing his stare on the concrete. “I wanted a drink last night. After everyone had gone to sleep, I was up going over my financial shit. Even with the money from my uncle, it’s going to get tight at some point. And…it’s overwhelming.”

“And I bet a drink sounded real good right then,” Remus supplied.

Sirius nods jerkily. “That’s about the size of it. I, uh, got as far as the liquor store before I realized what the fuck I was doing. When I get into that mindset, I go on autopilot. But I managed to take a few steps back, and think about what I’d lose if I went in there. What James told me last time-“

Remus considers that with a frown. “Get me up to speed on what exactly you’d lose.”

Sirius smiles and it’s so heartbreakingly wrong, with no warmth or good feeling behind it, that Remus has to clench both hands into fists to keep from reaching out to him. Touching him in any way isn’t in either of their best interests at this point, so Remus reigns in the impulse as Sirius explains.

“After everything that happened. After what I did,” Sirius corrects himself, “on Thanksgiving, James made it clear that fucking up again wasn’t an option. I mean, shit, who could blame him? He’s been putting up with me since we were kids. Him and Peter. He’s had enough, and if I keep fucking up, I’ll be out.”

“Out,” Remus echoes, quietly.

“Yeah. Like I said, I get it. But last night, I didn’t do anything. Remus, I swear-“

“-I believe you,” Remus says firmly, holding Sirius’ gaze so he knows Remus means it. “I believe you. But I’m wondering why you stayed out all night, didn’t tell anyone what was going on.”

“I didn’t want anyone to know. I planned on being home sooner, but I was, uh, pretty ashamed of everything and lost track of time. I did a lot of walking then wound up back here sometime after sunrise.”

“And you forgot your phone, didn’t you?”

Sirius winces, and Remus does touch him then. Just brings a hand up, lets two fingers linger on Sirius’ arm, finding it hopelessly tense. “I’m not trying to accuse you of anything. I know sometimes you get caught up and forget your phone, that’s all.”

“Yeah. I didn’t think to grab it when I went out. I was pretty focused on the quickest way to get drunk, so.”

They lapse into silence, then, with Remus considering the information that’s been presented to him, and Sirius looking like he’s wound so tight he could squeak. Ultimately, Remus has to set aside his mounting anger, anger that isn’t directed at Sirius, but would probably startle him right now, in favor of speaking calmly so he can get Sirius inside and settled.

“Why don’t we head up? You can shower, grab some sleep. I’ll call the others.”

Sirius tries to hide his reaction, which borders on panic. He fails spectacularly and it makes Remus see red. Forces Remus to compartmentalize, focus on his friend who’s looking exhausted and terrified. 

“Remus, James can’t know what I told you. About leaving to grab a drink. He’ll hit the fucking roof.”

“I guarantee, James is going to be so happy that you’re home safe, he won’t be pissed. Not only that, but you’ve worked really hard these past few months, trying to figure this shit out. There’s no way he’ll be pissed that you had an urge to get drunk, but didn’t. Okay? No way.”

Sirius doesn’t look totally convinced, but slowly trails after Remus as he digs out his keys and lets them inside. When he opens the door to their apartment, Sirius begins toeing off his shoes, slowly wilting as his night catches up to him. Remus can see it, as Sirius hangs his coat and rubs a hand over his face, looking a little lost.

“Why don’t you grab a shower? It’ll feel good and you’ll sleep better.”

“You going to call them?”

“If that’s okay with you.”

“Yeah, sure.”

Remus doesn’t say anything, just wanders into the living room, phone in hand, giving Sirius a little privacy as he removes a few pill bottles from one of the cabinets and takes his missed dose, before wandering into the bathroom.

As soon as he shuts the door behind him, Remus has his phone out. He calls Lily and she picks up on the first ring, sounding so hopeful Remus can picture the look on her face as she waits for the verdict.

“He’s fine. Safe and sober.”

“He’s okay,” Lily relays to James, breathing out a sigh of relief. “Remus found him, thank Christ.”

“He’s in the shower now. Probably going to sleep the night off.”

“Good. As long as he’s home, and okay.”

“My thoughts exactly. Do me a favor, though?”

“Anything.”

“Tell your boyfriend I need to talk to him.”

* * *

 

Peter arrives back at the apartment first. He asks a few questions about Sirius’ well-being, and satisfied with what Remus tells him, hurries into the bathroom to splash water on his face before running back out the door for work, with promises to make a proper comfort meal for dinner that night. 

When Lily and James get there, Lily stops to give Remus a quick hug and kiss, before making a plate of toast and jam and taking it back to Sirius. When she comes back out with an empty plate, she looks satisfied and relieved as she deposits the plate in the sink.

“He ate and now he’s out like a light. Probably won’t be back up before evening.”

Lily doesn’t ask what’s going on in Remus’ head, just gives her update and then settles in at the kitchen table, waiting for Remus to say whatever it is that’s on his mind.  James leans against the counter, staring off at the closed door at the end of the hall, where Sirius is, hopefully, resting.

“I want to ask you about something Sirius said.”

Remus doesn’t address James by name, but he has his attention instantly. Lily looks on with mild curiosity, gaze flicking between the two as James nods.

“Okay.”

“Did you say something to him, along the lines of him being out if he didn’t get his shit together?”

“Out,” Lily echoes, softly, as if considering the word.

James’ brow furrows, and he opens his mouth to deny it, before reconsidering. Remus sees the moment the phrasing connects to some memory because he winces and shakes his head.

“What does that have to do with-“

“-You told him, if he didn’t clean up, fall in line with how you wanted him to act, he’d be out. That’s something you said?” Remus presses.

“Yes,” James rushes out. “I said something along those lines after the Thanksgiving disaster. I was pissed. We all were.”

“Right. But after Thanksgiving, when Sirius was doing outpatient, and trying to work on things, did you ever say or do anything to let him know otherwise?”

“Remus, what the hell are you getting at?”

Remus can hear James trying not to bristle at the hostility in his tone, but he can’t help it. He can see Lily’s look of understanding as she correctly assesses his anger, as the atmosphere in the kitchen shifts toward an argument.

Remus knows all of this, and tries to reign in his temper. He also fails spectacularly.

“When I found Sirius today, he was sober. He had a bad night, and he went out, but he was so terrified of what would happen if you knew he was even struggling, that he didn’t come to you. Or anyone else.”

“He doesn’t have anything to be scared of,” James says gruffly.

“How would he know that?” Remus says, louder now. “He’s terrified of disappointing you. Of losing the only family he has left, and the worst part, James? You know that. And you’ve been letting it hang over his head these past few months-”

“-That’s bullshit!” Remus’ comments spark something in James, and he pushes away from the counter, shoulders tense. His fists curl at his side, and he’s practically vibrating with anger. “I would never-“

“-You know Sirius better than anyone. You know he’s been pushing himself, without letting anyone in on how fucking hard it’s been. And why would he, when he thinks you’ll quietly cut him out at the first sign of trouble. Not only that, but he’ll lose the rest of us, too. Because you’re James, and to him, you’re the leader. You’re in charge, and if you turn your back on him, it’s only a matter of time before we follow.”

“I wouldn’t do that to him. Never.”

“Fine. You wouldn’t. Then don’t let him go on thinking that it’s a possibility! Don’t alienate him, so he won’t tell us anything.”

“I didn’t do it on purpose!” James explodes, looking a little startled by the admission. “The way you say it…I didn’t even know I was doing it. I wasn’t trying to hold anything over his head, okay? But what was I supposed to do? Just let him keep going? I can’t lose him. I can’t keep watching him do this to himself, over and over, until he…” He can’t finish. Just shakes his head, trying to swallow the lump in his throat.

“The choice doesn’t have to be between guilting him and letting him spiral. It doesn’t have to be like that because it isn’t as easy as someone wanting to stop drinking, or using. If it was, don’t you think he would have a while ago? Don't you think he would have done anything to make you stop worrying?”

There’s more they each want to say. But both men go quiet, the remnants of their disagreement hanging in the air. For her part, Lily hasn’t moved. She’s still seated at the table. And as much as Remus wants to know what’s going on in her head, he’s relieved that she hasn’t offered her thoughts so far, one way or the other.

She has to tread carefully, he realizes, knowing that if she inadvertently agreed with one of them over the other, it could further the argument. At least right now, when they’re both too angry to talk about it calmly. She gazes back at Remus, her expression carefully smooth as she gets to her feet.

“I think we should go,” she suggests mildly. “Let Sirius rest.”

James nods his agreement. He looks like all the anger and frustration of the morning has been sapped out of him, replaced by the kind of exhaustion that sleep alone can’t fix.  He briefly meets Remus’ eye, as if to say, You know where to find me if we need to have this conversation again, without the courtesy of being quiet for Sirius’ sake, before crossing to the door and quietly slipping into the hall, giving Lily time to say goodbye.

Lily places a gentle hand on his arm, taking a moment to search his face for signs of how he’s feeling, before leaning in to give him a goodbye kiss on the cheek. He wants to apologize for the position she’s in, gets as far as opening his mouth to do so before she hushes him.

“None of that, Remus.”

“I didn’t even say anything!”

“I can smell your particular brand of guilt from a mile away. I’m a pro at sniffing it out,” she teases lightly. “I’ll have my own talk with James when we get home. For now, you just worry about what you’ve got under your own roof, okay?”

“Yeah. I’ll try.”

“I know you will,” Lily says, sounding sad. Before Remus can give her words too much consideration, she’s slipped out the door to re-join James.

* * *

 

That night, long after the dinner dishes have been done, and the apartment has lapsed into a peaceful silence, Remus settles in on the couch. He’s in his pajama bottoms and a ragged t-shirt, having bypassed tossing and turning in bed in favor of sitting and staring out at the midnight comings and goings on the street below.

He isn’t alone for long when one of the bedroom doors creaks open. He hears the sleepy footsteps before Sirius is there, throwing himself down next to Remus, so close their shoulders almost touch, but don’t.

“Thank you,” Sirius says after a few beats of silence. His voice is a quiet, sleepy croak. “For finding me.”

“You were already home,” Remus reminds him.

“Mm. For everything else, then.”

“You don’t have to thank me for that.”

“Agree to disagree,” he says finally.

And for the next part of an hour, they sit like that. Staring at the outside world, and the ebb and flow of traffic, in complete silence. 

Remus goes to bed thinking about how it’s the first time they’ve been able to sit that way, without one of them acting like they’re going to crawl out of their skin, since the breakup. He isn’t above hoping it isn’t a fluke. Maybe there will be a next time. And a time after that, when they can exchange more than a few stilted words.

He thinks about these things, and falls asleep with a quiet kind of contentment. 


	2. Family Is

“Sirius, are you awake?”

“No.”

“I have food.”

Face mashed into his pillow, Sirius sighs, and begins the process of de-tangling his limbs from the blanket cocoon he’s created. When he’s mostly visible, having shoved most of the blankets onto the floor, he catches sight of Peter, who’s watching him fondly, holding a plate of what looks like grilled cheese sandwiches.

“How you feeling?”

“Tired,” Sirius admits. He swings his legs over the edge of the bed, and just sits like that for a few minutes, rubbing his hand over his face. “Shouldn’t you be at work?”

“Took a personal day. It’s raining out, which gives me an excuse to stay in and marathon whatever you’re obsessed with on Netflix.”

“Pete…”

“Come on,” Peter lightly slaps Sirius’ leg to get him moving. “We’re going to eat at the table like civilized adults.”

Sirius ends up putting away enough food for three before collapsing on the couch next to Peter, who is trying to decide what they’ll watch first. The plan for the day doesn’t go beyond Netflix and the couch, which Sirius is immensely grateful for.

He feels alright, for having missed his meds and stayed out all night. Sleeping nearly twelve hours goes a long way in clearing up his exhaustion, but he’s still on edge. Even with Peter next to him, talking through the credits and most of the episode, a familiar, comforting presence, Sirius can’t shake the foreboding that he’s being coddled before the fallout.

“Have you heard from James?”

Peter nods as he rifles through the bowl of popcorn between them, one hand diving in to find the melted m&m’s at the bottom. “Yeah, earlier. Said he’ll stop over tonight. Wants to grab dinner if you’re up for it.”

“The three of us?”

“Just you, I think.”

Sirius shoots a panicked look at Peter, who frowns around a mouthful of popcorn. “He’s not mad, you know.”

“Or,” Sirius counters, “He could be furious, and hiding it. Waiting to ambush me at dinner.”

“Because that totally sounds like something your best friend would pull. Because, as your best friend, he definitely wants to prolong your anguish and make you squirm until dinner,” Peter remarks dryly.

 Sirius has another counter argument ready, but stops at the sound of the lock being fiddled with, moments before the front door is pushed open and then carelessly kicked shut. There’s the sound of a bag dropping, and then Remus appears, brushing a hand through his rain-damp hair and stopping at the sight of Peter and Sirius, mid-argument on the couch.

“You’re up,” Remus offers in greeting. He finishes shucking his coat and drapes it over one of the kitchen chairs, still staring at Sirius, as if he’ll disappear.

“I am. This one,” Sirius jabs Peter in the arm, grinning a little when Peter winces and bats his finger away, “Woke me up to a delicious breakfast of grilled cheese and tater tots.”

“A house specialty,” Peter adds with a grin. “I managed to save some for you before this animal could get to it.”

“Thank you. I needed a break from the center, so I thought I’d grab lunch here today.”

“Right. Lunch,” Peter says mildly, just out of earshot from Remus, who returns with the plate of leftovers.

Before Sirius can jab him again, on principle, he’s up, wandering in the direction of the bathroom, muttering something about a quick toilet break, before disappearing completely, leaving Remus and Sirius alone together on the couch.

Sirius expects the now familiar awkwardness to settle around them. So far, they haven’t found a middle ground between disastrous couple and distant exes, but he’s surprised when Remus swallows his bite of food, only to settle in comfortably next to Sirius, like it’s nothing at all.

“How you feeling?”

“I could probably sleep for twenty years,” Sirius replies honestly. “Other than that, no worse for wear.”

“I’m glad.”

“I’m, ah, a little embarrassed. That everyone went out looking for me…again. I’m a broken record at this point, but that was the last time.”

Remus just looks at him, and Sirius doesn’t know how to read the steadiness in his gaze, or his silence.

“You know, after my mom died, I spent a year pulling a disappearing act on Lily. She would find me on park benches, drunk at the 7-Eleven where Frank worked. You name it, I would turn up there, and I was a mess.”

“But that’s-“ Sirius tries to interrupt.

“Different? Why, because I’m not you? Look, all I’m saying, Sirius, is that I’m not keeping score. None of us are.”

“But it is different,” Sirius says quietly. “You were close with your mom, so when she died, it makes sense that you’d need time. I don’t have a reason.”

Remus directs his stare toward the ceiling, and huffs out a breath like he’s asking a higher power for patience. “You’re too hard on yourself, you know that?”

“Always has been,” Peter chimes in, settling on the arm of the couch so he can knock shoulders with Sirius, who scowls at him.

“That’s what I figured,” Remus says, smiling slightly, as if to say, We’ve got all the time in the world to work on seeing if you can like yourself as much as we do.

* * *

 

 “You look weird.” James announces once they reach the restaurant.

“Rude,” Sirius points out. “And you look weird.”

They take a seat across from each other and Sirius immediately helps himself to the bread basket, filling his mouth so he doesn’t have to speak right away. James more than makes up for Sirius’ silence by immediately getting to the root of things.

“No, I mean, you look nervous. Like, you’re actually nervous sitting here with me.”

“Maybe I am. A little,” Sirius says softly, feeling the wad of bread try to lodge itself in his throat when he swallows.

“Why?”

“Thought you might be mad.”

“About?” James prompts.

Sirius just gives him a look, helping himself to more bread.

“Last night? I was worried. Really worried. Scared. And it was my fault.”

“How the fuck-“

James holds up a hand, effectively cutting Sirius off. “I need to apologize. I’ve been a shitty friend, Sirius.”

“That’s not true.”

“If you’d let me finish, jackass,” James says, fondly, so Sirius has to fight back a smile. “I, uh, haven’t been there the way I should these past few months for you. After Thanksgiving, and your accident, I wanted…no, I expectedyou to get better all at once, like you could just will yourself to stop drinking and be okay if you wanted it hard enough.”

Sirius stares down at the table, taking a slice of bread apart with shaking hands, as James continues.

“And it doesn’t work that way. I think you can do anything, Sirius, but I should have told you that. Been more supportive, had your back. I should have told you that you can come to me with anything. If you’re struggling, I want to know if you want to tell me.”

“I was too afraid to tell you,” Sirius admits. “I was afraid that I’d screw up one too many times, and you’d be done with me.”

“That’s never going to happen. Not possible.”

The waiter chooses that moment to ask what they’ll have to drink, and Sirius is stuck making eye contact with the table and flapping his arm in James’ direction, silently begging him to order because Sirius’ eyes are burning and he doesn’t think he can speak for the life of him.

“Two Cokes, thanks. We need a few minutes to order.”

“You’re stuck with me,” James continues when the waiter leaves. He reaches across the table and takes Sirius’ hand, the one that’s littered bread on his side of the table, and is now clutching James like a lifeline. “Okay?”

“Okay,” Sirius croaks. He gives James’ hand a final squeeze, before yanking his away to wipe at his eyes. “Okay, shit, you’re killing me, man.”

“It needed saying.”

“Alright, fine, but in public? I’m crying all over the bread.”

James just laughs and hands over his napkin, so Sirius can take care of wiping away the mess of snot and tears. In the process, something in Sirius’ chest has loosened. He’s still on shaky ground, but James is right there with him. And it makes all the difference in the world.  


	3. Strays

“This is Olive.”

“Oh, no. She’s adorable.”

Lily smiles fondly at the picture of the orange bundle of fur, mid-yawn, and swipes to the next one, so together, she and Sirius can coo over every single picture she’s taken since adopting the cat a week ago.

They’re seated at the kitchen table in the Lupin, Pettigrew, and Black apartment. After recently implementing family dinner, with everyone volunteering to make or bring something, Sirius and Lily volunteered to whip up a dessert each week. This week it’s brownies, which are finishing up in the oven. For their part, Remus and Peter are talking quietly, keeping an eye on the sauce simmering on the stove, while James strains the pasta, with Frank and Alice looking on.

The apartment is filled with the amazing scents of their cooking and the warmth of having the people they love most around, and Sirius can’t imagine being happier.

“And this is Frances.”

His attention snaps back to Lily, and the picture of a black cat curled up in James’ lap.

“I thought you were just getting the one?”

“That was the plan. But then James got jealous-“

“Such a gross over-exaggeration,” James attempts to scowl and fails beautifully, breaking into a helpless smile when Lily looks at him.

“Because Olive gives me slightly more affection. So we had to get Frances.”

“Amazing,” Sirius smirks, outright laughing when James points a warning finger in his direction from across the room.

“Poor James,” Alice laughs.

“He’s always had a hard time sharing,” Peter teases.

“Only child thing,” Sirius loudly whispers to Lily.

There’s a knock at the door, and Sirius watches, taking a long sip of sparkling cider, and silencing the voice in his head that wishes for something _stronger_ , as Remus moves to open it.

Sirius sees Connor over Remus’ shoulder. Watches the way he smiles at Remus and moves into his open arms, whispering something before giving him a lingering kiss.

Sirius glances quickly away, making eye contact with the table for a few long moments before he feels a hand on his arm. Lily’s fingers tighten around his upper arm but the brief look she gives him is unreadable. And then she’s up, greeting Connor, and he doesn’t have the chance to ask her about it.

Sirius gives himself a few moments to absolutely hate everything, and then reluctantly follows Lily, giving Connor a quick smile and greeting, which is acknowledge in turn, before hanging back, pretending to be invested in looking for something else to drink from the fridge.

The sound of a cork popping has Sirius grabbing something at random and slamming the door shut, as he takes in the sight of Connor grabbing a glass at random and filling it with champagne.

“I…” Sirius only realizes that he’s actually said something when practically the entire room turns to look at him, save for Remus, who has taken the bottle out of Connor’s hands. “I just remembered, I have a…thing. I should definitely…go.”

“You’re not going anywhere.”

Remus sounds so firm, with an undercurrent of steel to the words, that Sirius catches himself staring for a little too long. And then feels his face redden when he catches Connor, who is at Remus’ side, looking at Sirius, like he sees right through him. It’s not particularly comfortable for Sirius, who could maybe handle being the loser ex in this scenario. But he can’t quite stomach being the loser ex, who breaks out in a cold sweat simply by being in the same room as a bottle of open champagne.

“I’m just going to-“

“Sirius, _sit down_.” Remus interrupts, giving him a knowing look.

Sirius, who no longer has control of his mouth or extremities in general, finds the nearest chair and drops into it without a word. It feels like the entire room is holding its collected breath as Remus turns back to Connor with a frown.

“No alcohol in the apartment, Connor.”

“I didn’t realize it was that big of a thing.”

There’s a beat of silence, during which time Sirius would gladly have the ground open up and swallow him whole. And then Remus holds out the bottle, shaking it a little, in Connor’s direction.

 “This can’t be here.”

“Remus, are you really-“

 “Yes,” Remus says softly. “I am. Join me in the hall, please.”

Connor looks around the room in a very _are the rest of you hearing this shit_ way, and Sirius returns to staring at the table. The click of the door alerts him to the fact that they’re gone, and a moment later, Peter drops into the chair next to Sirius, slinging an arm around his shoulder with such easy affection that Sirius feels a lump lodge in his throat.

“Don’t worry about Connor.”

“I’m not-“

“He’s a dick, Sirius. Don’t worry about it, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.”

The room, as a whole, bustles with activity once more. Plates are filled and everyone’s finding a seat at the table when Remus returns, making his own plate and coming to sit at the table. As soon as he settles in, conversation dies away, and Sirius takes to shoving the pasta on his plate around.

“Where’s Connor?”

“He left.”

Remus holds Lily’s stare, and there’s some kind of silent conversation that takes place, ending with a curt nod from Lily. Remus drops his napkin in his lap, gestures for Frank to pass him the garlic bread, and the table lapses back into relatively easy conversation that lasts through dinner and dessert.

* * *

 

The snow starts coming down a few hours after dinner ends. Like every other week, James and Lily are the last to leave. They linger over doing the dishes, and helping themselves to the last of the dessert. The pair take their time helping each other into their coats, relishing the time spent wrapping up their evening with a round of hugs and kisses, and the promise that they can all be properly introduced to the cats soon.

It’s a little too quiet once they leave. A little too empty without all of them under one roof. Peter occupies the chair next to Sirius for most of the evening, frowning over a paper, while Sirius pretends to watch whatever’s on TV.

In reality, he spends far too much time glancing down the hall, at Remus’ closed bedroom door. He retreated into his room not long after everyone left, and he hasn’t been out since. Not even for a bathroom break. Or to root around in the cupboards for his nightly snack.

Nothing except a closed door, and Sirius staring at it with too much intensity, until Peter finally packs it in and calls it a night. Leaving Sirius to his thoughts, and allowing him to give up the pretense of watching TV, entirely.

At eleven, he breaks. He turns off a House Hunters re-run and makes the long journey from the living room to the end of the hall.

It’s embarrassing, how long he stands outside the closed door. He brings a hand up to knock and ends up dragging it through his hair instead. Sirius gives himself another two minutes of being on the fence before he takes a deep breath and knocks. There’s a beat of silence and then he hears Remus call out a faint, _come in_.

And it’s just Sirius’ luck that Remus is lounging in bed. He’s got his glasses on, propped up against a mountain of pillows with an arm folded behind his head. Sirius watches, feeling stupid and twitchy just standing there, as Remus finishes the sentence he’s on and lowers the book he’s holding onto his chest.

“Hey.”

And then Sirius remembers that he’s the one who knocked, which means it totally makes sense that Remus is looking at him a little expectantly, and it shakes him out of his weird case of nerves.

“I heard you and James had a tiff a few weeks ago.”

Sirius has actually known about the fight between Remus and James for a while but it seems worth mentioning because he’s curious, and also because he wants to avoid bringing up Connor if he can help it. This is safer ground because he knows they’ve cleared the air. As opposed to whatever went down between the couple earlier that night.

“A tiff?” Remus couldn’t sound more amused, and Sirius just shrugs and ducks his head, trying not to smile.

“What would you call it?”

“A manly disagreement.”

“Tiff isn’t manly enough for you?”

“It sounds very posh. Like something a prep school boy would say.”

“Guilty.”

Sirius enjoys the silence that stretches between them, grateful that they’ve reached the point where they can occupy the same space without instantly falling back into the bad memories.

“It’s snowing out,” Sirius informs him.

Remus brings a hand up to scratch at his chest and Sirius nearly gives himself whiplash in his haste to make eye contact with Remus, rather than his bare chest. The last thing he wants is to make things weird, especially given the fact that he’s standing in the other man’s bedroom doorway like a weird lurker.

“Is it?”

“Mhmm. Supposed to be a big one.”

A few minutes later, Sirius wanders back out into the living room. He settles in on the couch and smiles into the darkness when he hears Remus shuffle down the hall toward him, until they’re both sprawled on opposite ends of the couch, watching it together.

* * *

 

“I’m sorry about earlier,” Sirius apologizes, breaking the silence.

Remus glances over at him, but he’s staring resolutely ahead. In some ways that makes it easier, not that anything about this is remotely easy, or simple, Remus thinks. But maybe it does help, a little, that it’s dark, and they’re alone.

“For what.”

“Making things difficult, I guess.”

“Sirius, when we all moved in together, we agreed-“

“I know.”

Remus considers Sirius apology from all angles, the most interesting one being the simple fact that Sirius doesn’t apologize. Or, more aptly, he doesn’t do it well. When they were dating, apologies had ranged anywhere from blow jobs to lavish gifts, meant to convey something he couldn’t quite manage with words.

There’s been a shift, one of many, more recently, that maybe coincides with Sirius and James having dragged everything out into the open. Sirius seems more at ease, at least to Remus. More comfortable with the discomfort of being vulnerable with those close to him.

It makes Remus tread carefully.

“Connor was being a jerk about it,” Remus says frankly. “You don’t have to apologize for having boundaries and enforcing them.”

“You have your social worker voice on, Remus.”

“I guess I do.”

Sirius looks away from the falling snow, and it’s the first time he’s looked so directly at Remus since they moved out here.

“I guess…what I’m actually apologizing for, is the fact that I want us to be friends, real friends, and I haven’t managed to be supportive of you and Connor.”

“Sirius, I don’t expect you to roll out the welcome mat or anything.”

“Shouldn’t I though? Come on, Remus, at least a little? So far I’ve avoided him at all costs. I haven’t really tried, but I’d like to. Okay, scratch that. I want to want to.”

“It shouldn’t be much of a problem going forward.”

“How do you figure?”

“We broke up.”

The range of emotion that flits across Sirius’ face before he does everything in his power to lock it down would be comical if Remus wasn’t watching so closely, trying to take in everything and attach meaning to it. Sirius finally settles on half-assed remorse, and Remus does laugh.

“Don’t even try to apologize because I can tell you’re not remotely sorry.”

A laugh escapes before he can stop it, and Sirius ends up covering his mouth with both hands.

“Aw, shit. I do want to be-“

“Save it!”

“In a perfect world,” Sirius continues, still laughing, and making Remus laugh harder. “I would be a fully formed human, capable of feeling bad about this. But I really don’t.” Sirius sobers, fumbling over his next words. “He was an asshole, Remus. And you…deserve a lot better.”

“I know I do.”

Sirius nods resolutely. “Good.”

And he goes back to considering the snow beyond their window, like the matter is dropped. And Remus could leave it there. He could easily settle in and enjoy the next however long they sit like that before one of them calls it quits and heads off to bed.

But there’s something he wants more than that, so in the near darkness, he says, “I’m okay with the breakup, able to laugh about it, because I’m still in love with you.”

Sirius startles, looking at him with wide eyes that take Remus in and then dart around, like he’s checking to see if anyone else is there to witness this conversation. To check whether it’s real.

“And as corny as it might sound, I’m pretty sure it’s just you, Sirius. That it will always be you. But if it’s not like that on your end,” Remus rushes to add. “It’s okay-“

“ _Not like that on my end_ , are you fucking kidding me! Of course it’s-“

Remus moves first, putting an end to the distance between them. He grips Sirius by the shirtfront, but instead of kissing him senseless, which has crossed his mind far too many times, Remus just hauls him close, until he has his arms around Sirius. Until he feels Sirius’ arms instantly come around him in return, so they’re pressed together, both holding on tight.

“I’ve missed you,” Remus admits raggedly. He presses his face into Sirius’ neck, doing his best not to cry as Sirius’ hold tightens.

“I’ve missed you, too. You have to know that. But I really fucked it up last time,” Sirius says as they pull apart, just a little, so they’re able to look one another in the eye while they get it all out. “I don’t want to do that again.”

“You won’t. We both know better now, okay? It won’t be like last time.”

 “I promise,” Sirius says with such conviction, that Remus’ only answer is to nod as he pulls the other man in again by his shirtfront, so he can kiss him properly for the first time in too long.

* * *

 

Two days later, Remus is gently cooing at the bundle of orange fur in his lap, with Sirius next to him, making silly faces at the cat. Remus leans against Sirius a little just because he can and glances up in time to catch the warm smile Sirius gives him at the gesture.

“Alright,” Lily settles into a chair across from them with a pen and notebook. “Let’s do this.”

James joins her, lifting Frances out of the way and depositing her in his lap so he can occupy the seat next to Lily.

“So, what exactly do you two need from us?”

“We want to put in place some ground rules,” Sirius begins.

“Fair fighting should be at the top of the list!” Peter calls from the kitchen.

“Good one, Dr. Phil,” James teases, and Lily begins writing.

“What are the fair fighting ground rules, then?”

“No name calling, or swearing at one another,” Peter offers, pulling a chair up so he’s seated next to Lily, watching as she scribbles onto the sheet of paper.

“No digging up old fights,” Remus adds. “Try to settle things as they happen, so we’re not fighting about the same thing.”

“Good. What else?”

They spend a little over two hours drawing up a document. In the process, they order takeout, and spend a great deal of time listening to James and Lily mull over what exactly makes their relationship work, with Peter adding his own experiences into the mix.

It’s kind of silly, Remus thinks, but at the end of it all, having discussed everything from how to fight to how often date night should happen, he notices how much lighter Sirius looks. He can’t stop smiling and Remus knows gets it because he’s feeling the exact same way.

Despite having to re-navigate things between the two of them, there’s something hopeful about starting again like this, almost as a group effort. And it feels like exactly where they’re all meant to be.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up is the epilogue! This little part two bit was never intended to be as long as part one. Just long enough to get things settled somewhat with Remus and Sirius and then close the entire Coming Down universe. 
> 
> I hope you've enjoyed so far and stick around for the final chapter! 
> 
> Wanna chat? You can find me on tumblr at bipolarlilyevans


	4. The sweet summer child

_Summer_

"Sirius?"

Sirius wakes fully to Remus' lips pressing lightly on his cheek and a warm hand sliding over the fabric of his shirt to settle on his heart. 

"Mmm?"

"Sorry to wake you."

"What is it?"

"Everything's fine. Alice-"

Upon hearing the name, Sirius' medication and sleep-riddled brain fires all synapses at once. He grabs hold of Remus' hand at the same time that he struggles to sit up in bed.

"Babygate?"

"The baby's coming," he admits, letting out a delighted laugh at the prospect.

"Well, shit. What are we still doing here? Peter!" Sirius bellows, "Pete! Get up, lazy. We've got a baby to meet!"

Sirius throws the blankets off and continues hollering as he makes his way down the hall, nearly crashing into the wall in his exuberance, and throws open Peter's bedroom door. Remus' laughter, somewhat giddy from lack of sleep, follows him, and he powers through Peter's grumpiness as he shakes him awake, just to hear more of it. 

"I need coffee," Peter groans after tossing his pillow in the direction of Sirius' head. "Make me coffee, nerd."

It's just after five when they tumble into the hospital, talking too loudly, and earning stares from the rest of the maternity ward when they whoop and carry on as soon as they catch sight of Lily and James, camped out with their phones and massive cups of coffee. Sirius stands off to the side with Peter and James, and they share sleepy smiles, as Lily and Remus head for one another at a run, immediately talking over each other.

"Can you believe-"

"-so unreal, I have to-"

"-we'd ever get here. Parents!"

"-pinch myself!"

They laugh a little too loud, and Sirius glares at the people staring, but the heat is taken out of it somewhat when he sways on his feet, coming down already from the coffee and lack of sleep.

"Easy there," James says, slinging an arm around his shoulders to steady him. 

"I'm not going to start anything here. I have some restraint you know," Sirius remarks, pretending to be more put out than he is. 

"Who said anything about fighting? We just like holding on to you," Peter chimes in, as he snakes an arm around Sirius' waist. 

"You're both...ridiculous," Sirius says thickly, grateful when they just laugh and hold him tighter. 

* * *

 

They spend the rest of the morning together, waiting. At ten, James and Peter run out to grab breakfast. It does a better job waking them up, but they've hardly taken three bites when Frank Longbottom appears, grinning so wide it looks like it might split his face. 

The group lapses into silence at the sight of him, but they don't have to wait long because Frank throws opens his arms, looks at their waiting faces, and announces, "Holy shit, I'm a dad."

Lily is out of her seat first, nearly upending her breakfast in her rush to embrace Frank. His grin wobbles as he nearly collapses against her and begins to cry silently.

"You're a dad," Remus adds as he joins them, throwing his arms around the pair and reaching up to press a kiss to Frank's temple.

"I have to take you to Alice," Frank steps away, wiping at his eyes. "If I don't deliver you two soon, she'll come out here herself."

* * *

 

"Neville," Alice announces when they enter, holding a red-faced newborn with an adoring expression, "Meet your family."

"Did you have to do that?" Lily scolds gently, instantly bursting into tears at the words and rushing to Alice's side.

 Remus hangs back, watching the scene as his hand finds Sirius' to grip it tightly in his own. 

"When Lily and I had nothing else, which was for a long time there, we had Alice."

Sirius drops a kiss on Remus' cheek, not missing the look he's giving him.

"Is this the start of your speech buttering me up to hold the baby?"

"You know me too well," Remus admits. 

"Look, I know you have mushy feelings about seeing me with your best friend's kid, but I'm assuming that as soon as I pick him up, he'll shit on the spot-"

"-Oh my god."

"And then Alice will make me change him, because she's still mad at me for breaking your heart. Which is fair, by the way, but I really hate babies and poop."

"Do it for me?"

And Sirius, fool that he is, with Remus' hand warm in his, his boyfriend smiling at him like he hung the moon, and his best friends in the world gathered together, laughing and happy, can only smile and shuffle forward, opening his arms to gladly take his turn. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neville Longbottom is so loved and cared for, as you can imagine. He is treated well and never doubts how loved he is, just for being himself. 
> 
> (because it's my AU and he deserves no less!) 
> 
> I don't even have coherent words for finishing this. It's been the best writing experience ever. So I'll leave it at that and say thank you to everyone for reading.
> 
> Want to chat? you can find me on tumblr as bipolarlilyevans


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